The best advice

Have I ever been hypnotized? I am not sure. People keep telling me that you can hypnotize yourself very easily, without even realizing it. Today I threw up in the sink while I was brushing my teeth, and I was like, "Where did that come from?" Life is a thrilling mystery.

Meanwhile, here are some good pieces of advice.

Mr. Wilson, who taught me math when I was ten and ranks among the best teachers of my life, told the class that each person ought to hold these three jobs in their lifetime, because together you get the full spectrum of human responsibility: Lifeguard, waiter, carpenter.

My sister told me you need three things to be happy: Something to do, something to look forward to, someone to love.

My mother says: It's more important to be tidy than to be happy. (Not good advice.)

My mother also says: The best revenge is looking good. 

My friend told me how to revise a poem: You look at the checklist that the poem is making, and you see if it's checking all the boxes.

In "Venus Envy," the best song from the best Hasty Pudding show (Acropolis Now, 2009), Afro Dite, the goddess of love, is instructing the nerdy Roseanne Columns on how to find a man. "When I was a little love goddess," she says, "I learned the secret to love, and it is--" and she whispers in Roseanne's ear, while the background singers bellow so loudly that Roseanne can't hear. "That's right, that's the key to love," continues Afro. "So now, shoo girl! Don't forget it." I have spent a lot of time thinking about what the secret to love could be. It has to be a secret that could be whispered in that short of an interval. I have decided that the secret to love is, "Act like it's normal."