Friday, January 2, 2015

internet favorites for january: love exists

In the fall my friends and I watched the documentary "112 Weddings," where a wedding videographer catches up with some of the couples he's filmed over the years, and interviews them about how their lives and relationships have gone. The documentary was almost entirely negative, lots of emphasis on how people didn't "think things through" ("what does that mean, though?" Eve wondered), and how the challenges of child-rearing can destroy everything.

So I went back to my archive of favorite things on the internet to re-read my top two articles about love and relationships.

This one, from the Huffington Post, includes an idea I just love:

“One woman in Georgia gave some pretty amazing advice. She and her husband have been married for over 60 years, and after being asked what her best relationship advice would be, she paused and said ... 'Don't be afraid to be the one who loves the most.'"

I didn't understand what that advice meant until I was in a very serious relationship, but now I think about it through every rough patch, and it helps so much.

This one, from the Atlantic, focuses on a very empowering and beautiful idea: that trying to be a good person and a good partner will make you better. I find it easy to notice what's unfair about the world, and what can't be controlled, and how often bad things happen to good people. It's nice to think that sometimes trying to do very hard things might actually work.

“There’s a habit of mind that the masters have,” Gottman explained in an interview, “which is this: they are scanning social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. Disasters are scanning the social environment for partners’ mistakes.”

“It’s not just scanning environment,” chimed in Julie Gottman. “It’s scanning the partner for what the partner is doing right or scanning him for what he’s doing wrong and criticizing versus respecting him and expressing appreciation.”

I hope you find these helpful too!

my sister on her wedding day

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